Wait...Really?

I was incredulous upon first viewing, as I usually am whenever I view a Sony trainwreck for the first time. It's so much like a "Wait....Really?" vibe that I'm surprised every bit of advertising that comes out of their department doesn't get approved at least 3 or 4 times before they start shooting.

Are you kidding? I suppose it'd be funny to anyone with their head in the sand like Sony apparently is about their own device, but last time I checked, critically (and from the perspective of yours truly), I think it's funny that the iPhone versions of games like Need for Speed Underground, Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars (which combines the graphics from the PSP version with the touch features of the DS rev), and Prince of Persia: Warrior Within are all better than PSP versions of the same name. I also find it of a particularly amusing pedigree that it also does FPS games and the like better, as its responsive touch-screen allows for all manner of faux dual-analog setups that work much better then they ever ought to.

Hell, even your sad attempt at a bite sized game store with "PSP minis" is a resounding failure, as most of the games on the service offer much too little for a little too much. Kind of sounds like the PSPgo, your failed stab at the success of Apple's App store without an inkling of what -exactly- has made the service usurp your position, accomplishing in two years what you have struggled to do for five.



Perhaps instead of attempting to make scathing "jabs" at Apple's device, you should be figuring out how in two years, they managed to trump you in the portable gaming market.

Then you can get back to figuring out how to make the platform relevant this week, needless revisions, failed experiments, and desperate rumors notwithstanding.

Also....PLEASE stop using the little kid from Role Models/Land of the Lost/Whateverthehell. He really isn't funny when he's not swearing a mile a minute. Every single bit of his routine feels forced not only because someone his age wouldn't bother, but also because the PSP is such a stopgap between failure and moneysink that the irony of their fun-poking ads only causes one to shake their head in disbelief. Sega took potshots at Nintendo back in the day and it was funny, and all in good fun. This is just obnoxious. He is just obnoxious.


Seriously. Screw off.

Whatever. I suppose ports would be a step in the right direction though. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, join em, right? This seems to always be your policy. I wonder how much fun it'll be in a lower resolution, without the dual analog control scheme that made it such a hit on its original platform (not to mention its $4.99 price point). At least it'll get decent games on the platform at a rate faster than once every 6 months.

Really, if anything at this point, they need to consider the potential threat that the 3DS represents, as they will no longer have the raw power advantage to assert their "superiority" over the DS anymore. If the original DS model represented innovation at the cost of technology, then the 3DS, with its Gamecube esque processing power and glasses-free 3D technology represents a successful marriage of power and new frontier.



How they can continue to ignore something like that, and continue to out out these baseless ads is beyond me.

But then again, I'm used to something like this coming from Sony, the only company with their heads so far into the sand that it reaches their nether regions.

If that sounds amusing, it's only because it's true. They tried to write the Xbox off, and look at what happened. Keep doing the same with the iPhone.

I dare ya.

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the Arbitrary Objective!

So it's no secret by now, but I loved Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: The Game. The game's retro sensibilities, combined with it's purposely pixelated sprite art look and 8-bit soundtrack won me over in a way that many games that attempt to be "retro" fail to. I mean it without a shred of hyperbole that I've literally been addicted to the game since its release, and while I can point out any aspect of its design in bullet points as the reason for this (great fighting engine, wealth of secrets, addictive leveling system), it wasn't just the graphics, or the gameplay that really brought out that old-school feel in me.

It was the return of the completely out-of-left-field institution that dominated most of my early gaming life:

The arbitrary objective.


We've all been there. You love a game to death, you play it to death. Somewhere inbetween purchase, mastering, and fondly archiving it for good, players go through this phase. A game gets completed, mastered, and because we don't want to let go of it just yet, we start making up new rules in our head. Racing games can be beaten without nitro. A fighting game can be beaten without special moves. These pointless, unnecessary, dare I say..arbitrary tweaks to a game's established formula can extend its relative value long past is shelf life, and it's exactly what happened to me here.

The funny thing was, I didn't even need to finish the game in question. It happened while I was playing through the game by myself as Scott, I realized that essentially, aside from some very unique attacks, everyone played the same, and because they had openly customizable stats, simply powering them all up to maximum would just make them homogeneous. The gears in my head began turning almost immediately. I knew I was going to play through the game with each character, but how could I indulge my hardcore sensibilities and still keep the game fresh 4, maybe even 5 playthroughs later? I thought of one of the game's many inspirations: Streets of Rage.



I remembered how each character, despite having the exact same moveset, had different attacks, and not only that, but they also had stats giving them all a distinct feel in addition to this. Axel was a power character with great moves, Blaze was the balanced type, Max was slow but powerful, and Skate was small and fast, if lacking in stamina. I wanted something like this for this game. After all, what better way to highlight each character's individuality (and give players something to call dibs on during multiplayer) than to give them completely differing strengths and weaknesses?

It took a bit of time, but I got it. Thinking of each character's personality/ability in the comic, I went about balancing them all out, albeit in RPG-grinding fashion:




Scott became an all-rounder, given his reputation as a fighter (and his uncanny ability to adapt), Ramona, being the "American Ninja", became the fastest character, yet relatively low on strength and high on defense. Kim, resident drummer (and situational damsel-in-distress) became above average on technique, strength, and speed(drummer qualities!), but has absolutely no defense, and Stephen, aka "the talent", became a tank, sporting relative strength, but maxed technique (talent, natch) and defense (he did date Julie, after all) at the cost of speed.

If the stats seem kind of high, it's because I balanced them all to be used on either medium, or hard difficulty..and for the most part, it worked out wonderfully. Scott is as powerful all around as he should be, Ramona's speed goes well with the range offered by her weapons, Kim's strengths go well towards a solid offense that masks what she lacks in defense, and Stephen is the strangest feeling one, having the lowest speed but a wealth of special techniques at his disposal.

The funny thing is, none of the hours I spent doing this felt wasted at all. I just finished the game with Scott yesterday, and now I can't wait to go through it again with Ramona. She's much faster, with much lower attack so her juggles are a lot more fun to indulge. I singlehandedly introduced character balance and an extra layer of strategy to this game, and while I didn't have to, the experience for me (and the people I've played with) was that much richer because of it.



Labor of love as it was, It brought me back quite a bit. I remember my tenure in Sonic 3& Knuckles, having separate files for having completed with or without all emeralds. I'm still proud of completing Super Mario Bros without touching a single fireflower (never touching a mushroom was beyond me). This sentiment extended past "old" games as well. In high school, action games like Ninja Gaiden weren't spared, as a friend and I finished the entire game on "very hard" without upgrading ANYTHING, and my girlfriend, notorious for her Need for Speed exploits, did everything short of finishing Most Wanted by driving backwards before she was satisfied. The arbitrary objective knows no genre, and no limits, being clearly defined by a gamer's ability, and imagination.

Hell, I've even become fond of what I named "stock mixing" in DJ Hero, playing a song through for 5 stars with no (extra) multipliers or modifiers.



If any of this sounds crazy, it's because well...it is, but it's something we gamers are well acquainted with. Microsoft may have capitalized on this old art by giving it a mainstream name in the form of "achievements", but at the end of the day, they have no real value, and it's the pride that we put into them that defines their value. Putting a score on it doesn't really change the fact that we've been assigning arbitrary objectives to ourselves since the beginning, and it'll continue as long as we have the drive to push the limits developers have assigned us.

Now if you'lll excuse me, I'm off to practice M.Bison in SSF4 by beating arcade mode on hard using only his normals.

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Gorilla-Proof

Akin to the legend of the Gulf War Game Boy, things like this just constantly reaffirm my stance that products from Nintendo are designed to withstand nuclear fallout. I mean, there are several written accounts of the little handheld that could surviving everything from avalanches, to rollercoasters, to well...WARS, and if this is any indication, we will NEVER be done recounting crazy tales of Nintendo's voodoo craftsmanship.

...Or ability to appeal to EVERYONE.

The story's almost too good to be true. Some knucklehead boy at the San Francisco Zoo accidentally drops his DSI XL into a Gorilla habitat. Noticing almost instantly, a massive honking gorilla approaches it, and instead of flattening it out of sheer animal madness, actually picks it up and inspects it. He then proceeds to open the thing and flip it around, presumably looking for the power button, but after several attempts, ends up looking just plain confused.

But it gets better! A smaller one approaches, and tries to show the big one how it's done...and fails as well after attempts culminating with trying to "see" through it. Presumably frustrated that he cannot get his DK on, big dude snatches it back, tries to flatten it, then finally EAT it before being lured over by a trainer, who traded him the DSi for something more edible.

I don't know what's more amazing. That the gorilla actually tried to play it, or that aside from some drool and scuffs, the DS was fully operational when it was returned.

How sneaky of you, Nintendo. Your announcement that this thing was for "old people" and "people with bad eyesight" was just a smoke screen. It's clear to me now who the intended audience was. Giant screen, giant stylus, it all makes sense now! Target audience get!

GORILLAS.

Who would've thought?


Source: You Got Donkey Kong On This Thing?

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Wait, don't you know what today is?

The hint begins (and ends) with this trailer. Like the comic, this game just gets better and better the more I see of it..




...and were it not for the absolutely BOOTY release schedule on the PSN, (where the date of release doesn't correlate with midnight, instead "sometime" in the afternoon of said day) yours truly would be playing it right now, basking in all of it's old-school, Final River City Double Dragon Ransom Fight in Time : 1989** glory.

STEP YOUR GAME UP, SONY.



No really. I don't know what vegan voodoo Todd Ingram is on to have a TETSUO FUCKING ARM ATTACK, but I want to find out. NOW.

(**Bonus points go to those who pick out the references on a first try!)


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Dream Match 2012?

With the announcement of Street Fighter x Tekken, the fighting game community is in a frenzy. Endess speculation and discussion about gameplay, endless fan rants about balance and why it should or should not happen, but arguably the most fun part of any crossover are the dream matches. For the first time ever, a lot of rivalries have the potential to be put to rest, and since both recent games in each franchse retained their classic characters in each roster, the possibilities are not only there, but potentially endless. I've of course, had a ton of conversations among friends about who should fight who and why, but these are the ones in particular that I found the most interesting. Matchups after the jump!


Fei Long vs. Marshall Law



While this is the most obvious pairing, it's also the one I want to see much. Even though they're both obvious homages to Bruce Lee, their similarities lie in technique and look alone. In reality, they're both a pair of kung fools, the former being a cheesy action star who seems to speak in bad dubbing, and the latter being a scheming...doofus. No really. After watching this ending, I dare you to tell me that the clash of martial arts technique and slapstick that would ensue from their battle wouldn't be a sight to behold.



Christie vs. Elena



While this one seems a bit far fetched in theory because Elena isn't actually IN SSF4, one can only hope one of the new characters added to the arcade version of SSF4 is Elena. Not only is she the only SF character who practices Capoiera, (making her unique enough for consideration) but it'd be an excellent segue into a SFXT matchup catalyst. It's as much a display of showmanship as it is a fighting style, and while Christie is an incredibly realistic rendition of the discipline seen in movies and popularized by breakdancing, Elena's is simply more elegant, more over the top im my opinion. I think it's an unnderstatement when I say that a fight between them would be likely a mindblowing (not to mention stunning) show. Woo!



Bob vs. Rufus



Both incredibly agile despite having meatball like frames, both are obsessed with being the best at what they do. Both are implausibly, confusingly, hilariously skilled with their respective unconventional fighting styles. Fighting devs have a knack for making fun of the competition with some of their fighters, but in this case, I can't tell which one is making fun of which. With Rufus being an unknown newb, and Bob being a formerly respected fighter in (percievably) terrible shape, I think a spat between the master and the mook has to have come up during brainstorming. I mean, LOOK at them fight.

This is inevitable. It has to be.



Nina vs. Cammy



This may have been neglected in the reveal trailer, where Nina's counterpart in battle seemed to be Chun-Li, but I think that was due more to their iconic status than anything else.

This is a real rivalry.

When the game finally does release, why wouldn't a duel between two gorgeous deadly government agents be anything but a limb--no--potentially NECK-breaking CQC fest? There's something to be said when you're an individual whose learned so many fighting styles through training, you walk away with a mish mash style people can only describe as deadly. Cammy's recent special moves highlight just how effective an assassin she is, and when put up against Nina's highly trained exploits, it isn't too hard to imagine an epic fight of (Daniel Craig) Bond proportions.

Besides. Cammy had the better game.That's got to be something else to be bitter about.

Paul Phoenix vs. Guile



I'm going to admit, I chose this one solely on the merits of inexplicable hair suspension techniques more than anything else. Scientists still can't figure out how these two keep their respective coifs intact during a fight, and as silly as Paul can be (He is after all, Law's partner-in-crime), I can see him clashing with Guile's one track minded sentiment (which often gets him into mistaken identity fights) nicely. Imagine a scenario where Guile runs into Paul, believes he may know something about Charlie, and due to his boneheaded nature (and Paul likely overreacting in defense), ends up inadvertantly starting a fight?

Seems plausible, no? I'd anticipate a very interesting match, seeing as both practice effective grappling and striking fighting styles with a mixture of strange self-improvised moves..



T.Hawk vs. Julia



...Actually, on second thought, these two actually need each other, being an endangered species and all.

Perhaps they should team up.

...

There were a bunch of other ones that didn't make the cut, (E.Honda vs. Ganryu, King vs. Zangief, you seem BORING), but these were the ones that appealed to me the most. I'm pretty certain as the months pass, the reveals will likely be shocking, some even disappointing, but I know a few of these have to make the cut. We have after all, grown up playing these games, and if this project isn't a labor of love with the fans in mind, how could any of these not see the light of day? They're simply just too priceless not to.

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Looks like Twitter's good for something..

I know Abe, I can't believe it either.

A few weeks back, I found out about a Twitter account apparently started by Abe, and while it claimed to be official in some way, knowing the internet, I took the small rumblings within to be nothing more than a fan having a good time. This didn't stop me from keeping a close eye on it anyway, and now, it seems as if it's paid off! A small development crew by the name of Just Add Water games has apparently been working closely with Oddworld Inhabitants on a new Oddworld title across multiple platforms.

Screenshot from my phone after the jump, and man. I know I'll be on eggshells until they announce whatever it is. The gaming landscape NEEDS something as soulful as Oddworld right now, and I've been waiting to dive back into all those charming personalities and beautifully twisted worlds for some time now.

Heck, I'm still sitting here trying to achieve a perfect 300 in Abe's Exoddus on my PSP (297's my best!)..and that's REALLY saying something.

Welcome back, sir. You were missed.






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LittleBigRevelation - Bringing a Solo Gamer Back to the Fold..

Also on Chocolate Lemon!

I'm not a multiplayer kind of guy.

No--scratch that. For as long as I could remember, I've always enjoyed playing games with others. Fighting games, shooters, adventure games, if a game had some sort of multiplayer, I was game. This went on until around 2004, when I'd gotten Xbox Live for the first time. After years of Halo, and Need for Speed local sessions, food and insults being passed around, it was all slowly coming to a close due to the advent of online gaming. Why play Burnout with half the framerate? Why play Halo on my (then) cramped screen when I could have one all to myself? It answered itself.



But with this revelation, with this newfound convenience, came it's own form of double edged sword. My friends and I started hanging out less, and more online. My beloved Halo--the first FPS I'd taken seriously enough to learn its nuances and play at a competitive level-- had a sequel with a insufferable campaign, and was seemingly focused only on its (newly broken) multiplayer. I started seeing great games being neglected for lack of multiplayer (Oddworld:Stranger's Wrath), or being played solely because of it, despite strong campaigns. I've even seen a game lose its integrity in favor of a strong multiplayer component (Conker: Live and Reloaded). It was a problem. It seems, for every great experience I had playing Doom 3's fun co-op, or even Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory in counter-ops, I had a bunch of other reasons disenfranchising me from the whole endeavor. Annoying online brats, braindead allies, shoddy mechanics, apathy towards individuality, and lag were at the top of a very long list of reasons to just let it all go.



Flash forward a year or so, and it stuck.

I don't buy games for multiplayer anymore. In fact, it's the very last thing I'll buy a game for, and my years since have been spent indulging in the campaigns of various games, playing them to completion at my pace, on my terms. I've also very much enjoyed my solitude, sparingly indulging in strong co-op centric expriences like Crackdown, or Gears of War, but largely maintaining my stance. After all, games that had multiplayer seemingly tacked on despite quality elsewhere (The Darkness), games still with insufferable campaigns but robust multiplayer (Halo 3), and games still losing integrity in favor of strong multiplayer components (Resident Evil 5) continued to exist. Sure, I still played the odd racing or fighting game here and there, but my days were still long since past. I can't even stand the thought of multiplayer, and attempts to the contrary with games like Modern Warfare 2 still just cement the notion in my head.

You know, that insufferable notion of buying a game against one's judgement solely for it's online modes, playing them for a while, and never even finishing the campaign due to latent disinterest? I've been there.



But something still nagged at me, because, it isn't as if I didn't enjoy playing with people. I just think I was simply tired of the compromise that online gaming had saddled me with. If a game had a strong single player component, the multiplayer usually suffered. If it was strong in multiplayer, it's easy to see in single where the compromises were made. Even mediocrity was being settled for if the multiplayer was functional (Aliens vs. Predator). The stigma more than anything else got to me, got under my skin, and left me with an extreme distaste where there should've been joy at being able to enjoy rounds with my friends and company. I had no problem with multiplayer as a whole, but when it started to compromise the way games were being made and appreciated on a fundamental level, I took offense. Even so, while I was still up for even a good co-op experience at the very least, my heart wasn't fully in it. Even the most recent Transformers: War For Cybertron, with its co-op component front and center, is something I'll admit to be great fun, but it's something I won't rush to invite friends to right away.

Then, a bit of change..

I bought my girlfriend LittleBigPlanet a while back, and even though I'd personally had the game for well over a year, I'd never finished it because it was simply one of those games I'd bought to play with friends, and eventually dropped out of unintentionally because other experiences simply took precedence. Getting it for her however, made me pick it up for a bit, and while I never denied the game's strong design all around, playing it filled me with a different kind of feeling than before.



I invited her, a friend of mine, and we were off. It was a great, fun night, one we running around, solving puzzles, pushing each other into pits and amicably competing for points. That night, I went to bed that night with a few pictures, memories in hand, and an odd feeling that I initially ignored. The next night fared better, I jumped back on and played with her for a few hours, logging more adventures in my head, and after we parted ways, I jumped onto my 360 and played Blur. While it was strange and odd to me at first, I was suddenly bombarded with great thoughts that helped clarify. I was actually looking forward to more nights of LittleBigPlanet, more nights, more games where I could gather a few friends and have a good time. I also started to reminisce.

I remembered running around Pacific City with my best friend in Crackdown, watching them toss gang members with ease, and fondly remembered leaping across rooftops. As weak as I considered Resident Evil 5 to be, I couldn't have named it "Chris and Sheva's Racist African Handcannon Tour 2009" without the help of friends. How did I ever forget Castle Crashers, and its old-school, 4-player mayhem? Did I forget the hysterical fun that rhythm games like Rock Band have brought me? Blur and it's impossibly stable 4-player mode?! Had I taken them for granted? There was a certain tangible, lively energy that went along with this kind of gaming that I'd long since forgotten during my tenure of solitude, and I felt almost as if I'd unfairly snowballed my bad experiences into the whole of the genre. There were worthwhile co-op experiences. I'd just been too cynical to notice or appreaciate them fully since I'd been so put off to playing with others for so long.

(My lady's LBP pod, adorned with pictures of our adventures does much to help this sentiment as well..)

While it seems like a very abrupt shift, and I can't completely undo years of anger and bias against the entire endeavor (though, I did forget to mention, I do respect those who have the stomach for it), I certainly do think very differently now, and look forward to sharing experiences with my friends moving forward. While competitive multiplayer likely won't be something I'll seriously devote myself to moving forward, I definitely still have a soft spot for the co-op experiences. To think I'd almost forgotten the memories, stories, and even the run home enthusiasm that comes with social gaming!



It is, after all, a large part of what helped this industry grow. Shame on me. :)
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