Saturday, January 5, 2013

You've got to be joking..

Fuck off, all of you.

You know when you're paralleling Rico Van Dien with a "HOT CHICK NAMED ZELDA, LOOK! STREET CRED FOR YOU DWEEBS", some twerp that makes even DJ Qualls look sexually potent, and a stereotypical foul mouth black kid presumably in place because the one from Role Models wouldn't answer their calls, the recipe for disaster is already sewn faster than you can utter the words "Stay Alive was better" in disgust. Weren't we done with movies like this 15 years ago?

I love you Jason Mewes, but no. Screw you too. It's already uncomfortable seeing you play ANYONE but Jay, but to play a nerd so unconvincing that my monitor started to reek of Doritos and Mountain Dew from all the faux gamer scene chewing? That is a feat so astounding that I'm actually starting to reconsider Jonny Lee Miller's role in Hackers to be high art.

"Yo man, it's ZERO COOL!!!"

One step forward, ten steps ba-- I can't even finish this.

If you need me, I'll be in the other room, placing my hair into the blender.

Frappé, anyone?

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